BALL REMOVER

This is the best story EV-AHHH!! (from the State Journal Register)

An alleged sex offender who said he was feeling an urge to offend again took a fillet knife to his testicles in an attempt to castrate himself Sunday night.

The 59-year-old man, who lives in the 1600 block of Seven Pines Road, was bleeding profusely when police and paramedics arrived. However, he is expected to survive.

The man successfully removed one testicle and flushed it down the toilet, and the other testicle was severely injured. He then called a friend for help. Authorities were called about 8:15 p.m. Sunday, and the man was rushed to the hospital.

The man told authorities he was feeling the urge to touch and hurt children. He was not trying to take his life, the man reportedly said, but was trying to stem the urge.

The man's offense happened in 1984. He had been on a sex offender registry for some time, but no longer was required to register.

Wow! Well, I guess he won't get that urge again. You know.... I know some male whores who should... okay, maybe that's a little drastic. But if BREAKING THE LAW isn't enough of a deterrent, then perhaps an evening with a fillet knife might do the trick?