CONFUSING LOVE WITH OBSESSION
I get obsessed about things, I admit it.
"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"Will he call?"
"Is anyone listening to my show today?"
I even get obsessed about people sometimes.
"Taylor Hicks - will he win American Idol?"
"Mayor Davlin - will he say hello to me at the next city council meeting?"
Confusing love with obsession is an entirely different matter.
I was struck recently by a story out of Jacksonville involving two 16-year-old girls. Struck because of the tragedy involved in the story and struck because I am acquainted with one of the parties involved.
You see, two young girls were involved with the same young man. One girl was six months pregnant by the young man, and the other also reportedly carrying the man's child. *although the latter had not been confirmed. For the sake of the story, let's refer to the characters as Jane Doe and Jill Doe respectively.
Obviously lots of hormones raging here, and obviously very little impulse control.
My sources tell me that Jane had a bit of an obsession with the young man and was none to happy that Jill was anywhere near "her man," let alone was pregnant by him. Her obsession led to an altercation at school. Jane punched Jill in the face.
Two weeks passed and the obsession continued to fester which led to another altercation...and this time Jane didn't use her fists. She used an SUV to run Jill over in a parking lot. Why? Jill was talking to "her man." Jill is currently in intensive care. The baby she was carrying is dead and Jane is in custody. Two lives changed forever.
It's called the obsessive love wheel: Attraction leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to obsession. Obsession leads to destruction.
It happens to more people in this country than we may realize...and unfortunately the patterns develop early in childhood.
According to John Moore, an addictions counselor in Chicago, and author of the book Confusing Love with Obsession, a child growing up in an environment where the parents were emotionally unavailable could grow up seeking attention from other sources and could use control to keep people from leaving. Moore says it is not uncommon for people who confuse love with obsession to be the childhood victims of verbal, psychological or physical abuse...maybe even all three.
I don't know what kind of home Jane lived in. Currently she's in a jail cell. What were the signs that she was about to do something so destructive? Could school officials have prevented such a vicious attack on another student? And what happens when these children eventually begin to confuse love with obsession?
Are they the future stalkers of America? Are they the future murder/suicide victims of Sangamon County? Are they the one night stands who manipulate their way into your apartment building? Are they the psychos standing outside your shower with a knife?
"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"Will he call?"
"Is anyone listening to my show today?"
I even get obsessed about people sometimes.
"Taylor Hicks - will he win American Idol?"
"Mayor Davlin - will he say hello to me at the next city council meeting?"
Confusing love with obsession is an entirely different matter.
I was struck recently by a story out of Jacksonville involving two 16-year-old girls. Struck because of the tragedy involved in the story and struck because I am acquainted with one of the parties involved.
You see, two young girls were involved with the same young man. One girl was six months pregnant by the young man, and the other also reportedly carrying the man's child. *although the latter had not been confirmed. For the sake of the story, let's refer to the characters as Jane Doe and Jill Doe respectively.
Obviously lots of hormones raging here, and obviously very little impulse control.
My sources tell me that Jane had a bit of an obsession with the young man and was none to happy that Jill was anywhere near "her man," let alone was pregnant by him. Her obsession led to an altercation at school. Jane punched Jill in the face.
Two weeks passed and the obsession continued to fester which led to another altercation...and this time Jane didn't use her fists. She used an SUV to run Jill over in a parking lot. Why? Jill was talking to "her man." Jill is currently in intensive care. The baby she was carrying is dead and Jane is in custody. Two lives changed forever.
It's called the obsessive love wheel: Attraction leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to obsession. Obsession leads to destruction.
It happens to more people in this country than we may realize...and unfortunately the patterns develop early in childhood.
According to John Moore, an addictions counselor in Chicago, and author of the book Confusing Love with Obsession, a child growing up in an environment where the parents were emotionally unavailable could grow up seeking attention from other sources and could use control to keep people from leaving. Moore says it is not uncommon for people who confuse love with obsession to be the childhood victims of verbal, psychological or physical abuse...maybe even all three.
I don't know what kind of home Jane lived in. Currently she's in a jail cell. What were the signs that she was about to do something so destructive? Could school officials have prevented such a vicious attack on another student? And what happens when these children eventually begin to confuse love with obsession?
Are they the future stalkers of America? Are they the future murder/suicide victims of Sangamon County? Are they the one night stands who manipulate their way into your apartment building? Are they the psychos standing outside your shower with a knife?
posted by Pamela Furr at
5:42 PM
2 Comments:
The girl who ran over the other teen ager, should be charged with nothing less than man-slaughter, for the death of the other girls baby.
Love is obsessive. It's unhealthy but quite hard to have one without the other threatening to take over. Not so for familial love (brothers, mother, father etc). Romantic love is a nightmare, a disaster waiting to happen and yet so strangely appealing.
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